27 May 2016

Comparison: not always the thief of Joy

Actually, Comparison was very-much-so my thief of Joy after I had my first baby, back in 2011.  But here's the difference, I'm human so Ima comparison the baby poop out of my pregnancies, deliveries and first stages of my baby's lives.  It's bringing me joy, not stealing it.  It's reminding me that 'last time' was (as I suspected) not normal, that it is totally ok, that there's hope and healing in new, yet familiar, beginnings.

The start of pregnancy

Ok, so I was convinced that this baby was going to be a girl because this time around I had morning sickness, nausea and general feeling sick for the first trimester.  I'll admit that I actually only threw up twice, but I FEEL you - every lady out there who went through terrible morning sickness and then went on to have more pregnancies.  You ladies deserve a gold medal.  First pregnancy: no morning sickness: nada.

Mid pregnancy

Last time I had the MOST achey hips ever.  I had an elastic belt that I wore around my pelvis to 'hold my pelvis together'.  It was awful, I'd get pinching nerves up my back and around my tailbone whenever I stood, or walked, or sat down, or slept.  Ugh.  But THIS time, I didn't have sore hips like that.  Sure, they ached a little, but nothing like the last time.  High blood pressure was also a symptom, but not enough of a problem to worry about.

Third Trimester

I was a giant beachball - both times (as I see in photos and the last post) but I felt like a total babe - as you should when you're pregnant!  My first pregnancy third trimester was tough though.  I was very achy, I had heart burn like nothing else I've ever had and my sore hips left me with very little sleep at the end.  My second pregnancy however, gave me water retention to the max.  "They" told me to avoid salt and to drink more water, to move around more and to elevate my feet above my heart.  All of which did absolutely nothing for my achy feet and cankles.  Thank you, but not really, Drs.  How is one supposed to get more exercise whilst elevating their feet, anyway?


First pregnancy: Labour was 36 hrs of only using the gas for pain-relief, exhausted, EXHAUSTED, four failed venthouse attempts, baby's heart-rate declining and an emergency cesarean section.  Baby didn't breathe on his own for about 20 minutes, so there was no cry after he came out. There was only silence... except for a busy theatre.  I don't remember the moment I first held him, the moment my baby was given to me to hold.  It might sound silly, but I was really upset by this fact for a very long time.  That is why this image below is SO special to me.  Second pregnancy: Roy and I walked into the hospital prepared and ready for a repeat cesarean section.  Not exhausted, a peaceful breathing baby, a first latch, an amazing many moments that I hope I will remember for a lifetime.

The first few days of baby on the outside

First time: Oh the agony.  My stomach turned inside out and a baby that couldn't figure out how to latch.  I was up and down, I remember being very active.  Maybe my pain-relief was too good and I didn't realise I had to take it easy... maybe.  I had post natal depression that went undiagnosed and lasted a couple of years as I slowly came 'right'.  Second time:  baby latched, he fed every 4 hours overnight.  I was getting plenty of rest, baby was hardly ever crying.  I made the mistake of letting him nurse and doze and nurse and doze for too long, the latch went south and I got cracked and bleeding nips.  OUCH. But, seriously, the first time my soreness lasted about 5 weeks (!) this time, only about 3ish.  Praise the LORD for wheatgerm oil.  Just sayin'.  So I count that as a plus.  Pain relief was kept at a manageable level, I was so frustrated by how little I could do without being in pain.    No post-natal depression.  I know this because I have been low before.  I didn't really have 3rd-day baby blues this time either, more like a few moments here and there of tears and emotions, but it wasn't a truckload that visited all too often like it was the last time.

This was a custom request I recently made.  India ink and micron markers.

And here I am, my youngest son is nearly 8 weeks old, he slept 6.5 hours last night!  He's usually feeding only once during the night now, long may this continue.  I have been going to a physiotherapist for about a week and already my abs are feeling better than they have since before I was pregnant the first time.  My body is getting better and stronger!  I feel hope and excitement that I'll be able to run and sleep and jump and swim without pain, with strong stomach muscles again.  Praise THE Lord.  For a long time I thought I had a few hernias in my stomach, but the professionals tell me I don't - so, I'm going with that and considering the results of four really painful enough to not want to go again good physio experiences over the last 8 days, I am confident that I am heading down a new track in my general fitness.

A beautiful custom request I made of baby birth details.

There you have it.



  1. Such a difference! I was convinced my third boy was a girl right to the end even though the scan said he was a boy....I can relate to many of your symptoms (apart from the water retention ) Infact by my fourth pregnancy I knew my body wouldn't let me carry another baby...it started giving up by my third.....enjoy your new experience a much more pleasant one and take care lovely xx

    1. Thank you so much! Yes, my body is probably about done this time around. But who knows if there will be another or not? I remember the scan, the lady said, "It's a boy." I asked, "Really?" Thinking, 'are you sure?' Lol. Then I had to get my head around having another boy as I had begun to think about what it would be like to be a little girl's Mum. :)

  2. Oh, wow, Holly. I'm sorry to hear you had such a miserable experience first time round. I suspected, but was too far away to know how to help. I also had PND first baby. Horrible stuff. Good to hear this time was different for you (better, but not great by the sound of it). People all have different experiences. Lots of people suffer in a variety of different ways, and having a baby is not an easy thing for many. So happy your two boys are now such a blessing! Jxx

    1. I think this time around is WAY better than last time. I still have up and down days - mostly directly relating to how much rest I've given myself. But I would confidently say that I am coping SO much better and that this time has given me a lot of healing and closure that I didn't realise I had held onto.

      Me, too, my boys are just the best. <3

  3. Yay for second babies' birth experiences bringing joy and healing!! So happy for you holly. And that picture is just beautiful, of your second baby'first moments with you. Priceless and precious! x

    1. Yes! Thank you for your healing words (and hugs) so long ago. :) xx


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